I am happy as I am clearly feeling well enough to have regained my long for tidiness and order (and possibly my sense of humour). Unfortunately, over the last 4 months I have not even thought about my blog (let alone worry about it being unfinished) as I have been too ill with cancer. However it is time to start writing again and, beside a desire to continue the story I do have more serious reasons to resume my Blog. I had stated at the beginning that I wanted to write to: 1. Raise awareness of malignant melanoma (as there is still so much ignorance about skin cancer); 2. Get it off my chest; 3. Update my loved ones about what's going on with me. I can now add a reason number 4. Hopefully be able to tell people who are diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic melanoma not to lose hope. It's undeniably a huge shock and sadly it's an incurable disease, however there have been huge advances in treatments in the last few years, and new drugs are now being tried, which can keep the cancer at bay for long time. There is so much hope, there is so much life to be lived, and however hard the fight is, it must be fought.
Stage 4 diagnosis, 4 months of silence, 4 reasons to write, I ought to start thinking about the significance of this number in my life... (and let's not even mention that I'll be 40 in exactly one year's time)... Forgive my superstition, it's probably to do with my Mediterranean blood.
Over the last 4 months I have been through a lot, I have had to face more than I ever thought I would in my life. More than anyone would wish to their worst enemy. In November 2014, the time of my last post, I got ill and soon discovered that the cancer had spread and metastasised to my liver and bones. When it happened my heart was broken in pieces, my entire world fell apart in an instant. Since then I had a truly awful journey, radiotherapy, immunotherapy with severe side effects, hospitalisations, pain and suffering which I don't wish to remember, I saw death in its face, and to top it all up I underwent more major surgery to my vertebral column in February to fix with metal plates and screws the damage caused by tumours (as awful as it sounds).
I am saying all of the above not because I want to be pitied or have anyone's sympathy. I am saying it because in spite of all of this pain and suffering, all the trauma and abuse that my poor body has gone through... I am now (miraculously I would say) feeling better and the latest scans (“stable”) and blood tests (finally normal or there about!) all point to the fact that the treatment worked its magic and the disease is 'not active' or 'controlled'. 6 weeks from surgery, and I am feeling a little bit like 'myself' again, I am feeling my energy coming back, I am feeling again so much longing for life inside me, and I can see that there is life ahead. That's why I feel I can say to anyone who receives this horrible diagnosis that advanced melanoma is not a death sentence anymore. It’s just the beginning of the hardest fight for your life.
I am also well aware that there is so much uncertainty in my future, and I have to accept that due to the disease as well as the surgeries I went through I will not regain my full physical mobility and power (my neck mobility has been severely reduced, for one), but there is life now and in the future and this is what matters the most, and always will. If I am here now feeling so alive and having hope for a life ahead, it really means that it's always worth fighting and however hard it is, we should never lose hope. Life can be stronger than disease, life can amaze and surprise us.
Stage 4 diagnosis, 4 months of silence, 4 reasons to write, I ought to start thinking about the significance of this number in my life... (and let's not even mention that I'll be 40 in exactly one year's time)... Forgive my superstition, it's probably to do with my Mediterranean blood.
Over the last 4 months I have been through a lot, I have had to face more than I ever thought I would in my life. More than anyone would wish to their worst enemy. In November 2014, the time of my last post, I got ill and soon discovered that the cancer had spread and metastasised to my liver and bones. When it happened my heart was broken in pieces, my entire world fell apart in an instant. Since then I had a truly awful journey, radiotherapy, immunotherapy with severe side effects, hospitalisations, pain and suffering which I don't wish to remember, I saw death in its face, and to top it all up I underwent more major surgery to my vertebral column in February to fix with metal plates and screws the damage caused by tumours (as awful as it sounds).
I am saying all of the above not because I want to be pitied or have anyone's sympathy. I am saying it because in spite of all of this pain and suffering, all the trauma and abuse that my poor body has gone through... I am now (miraculously I would say) feeling better and the latest scans (“stable”) and blood tests (finally normal or there about!) all point to the fact that the treatment worked its magic and the disease is 'not active' or 'controlled'. 6 weeks from surgery, and I am feeling a little bit like 'myself' again, I am feeling my energy coming back, I am feeling again so much longing for life inside me, and I can see that there is life ahead. That's why I feel I can say to anyone who receives this horrible diagnosis that advanced melanoma is not a death sentence anymore. It’s just the beginning of the hardest fight for your life.
I am also well aware that there is so much uncertainty in my future, and I have to accept that due to the disease as well as the surgeries I went through I will not regain my full physical mobility and power (my neck mobility has been severely reduced, for one), but there is life now and in the future and this is what matters the most, and always will. If I am here now feeling so alive and having hope for a life ahead, it really means that it's always worth fighting and however hard it is, we should never lose hope. Life can be stronger than disease, life can amaze and surprise us.
No comments:
Post a Comment